Therapy space — *As a therapist, I have a lot of respect for consultation calls.*
Over time, I’ve witnessed how much courage it takes for someone to reach out for support—often while feeling overwhelmed, uncertain, or already carrying a great deal. Many people come into consultation calls feeling pressure to “get it right,” to explain themselves clearly, or to know exactly what they need before therapy even begins.
Through many of these conversations, I’ve also come to understand how emotionally layered the process of finding a therapist can be. It’s rarely just a logistical decision. For many people, it’s tied to hope, fear, past experiences, and the desire to finally feel understood.
These moments have also shaped how I think about therapy fit. The more consultations I hold, the more I see that finding the right therapist isn’t about certainty or perfection—it’s about space. Space to ask questions. Space to notice how it feels to be heard. Space to move at your own pace.
This post isn’t here to tell you who to choose or how therapy should feel. It’s here to offer clarity, reassurance, and language—so you can approach the process with a little more steadiness and self-trust.
*Because the way we begin therapy matters.*
*Nilgun Tunali, RP (Qualifying)*

What Does “Good Fit” in Therapy Actually Mean?

When people talk about finding a “good fit” therapist, it can sound vague or even intimidating. Fit doesn’t mean finding someone who never challenges you, or someone who instantly understands everything about you.

Instead, fit is about the quality of the therapeutic relationship—the professional relationship between you and your therapist that supports safety, trust, and collaboration over time.

A good fit may feel like:

Being listened to without judgment or pressure
Feeling respected in your pace, boundaries, and choices
Experiencing collaboration rather than being told what to do
Feeling safe enough to be honest, even when it’s uncomfortable
Sensing care, professionalism, and consistency

You don’t need to feel an immediate connection. What matters more is whether the relationship feels steady enough to continue exploring together.

What the Therapeutic Relationship Really Means

When people imagine therapy, they often think about techniques, tools, or insights. While these can be part of the process, research and lived experience consistently show that the therapeutic relationship itself is one of the most meaningful parts of therapy.

At its core, the therapeutic relationship is a professional, ethical relationship that creates the conditions for safety, trust, and exploration. It isn’t about being fixed, advised, or evaluated. It’s about feeling met—as you are—within clear and respectful boundaries.

For many people, this relationship can be especially significant. It may be one of the few spaces where your experiences are taken seriously, your emotions aren’t minimized, and your pace is genuinely honoured.

What Safety in Therapy Can Look Like

Safety in therapy doesn’t mean constant comfort or agreement. Growth often includes moments of discomfort, uncertainty, or challenge. But the relationship itself should feel steady, respectful, and attuned.

A safe therapeutic relationship often includes:

A therapist who listens with curiosity rather than judgment
Clear communication about roles, limits, and consent
Respect for your boundaries, including what you’re ready—or not ready—to explore
A sense that your experiences are believed and taken seriously
Openness to repair if something feels off or misunderstood

Feeling safe doesn’t mean nothing difficult will come up—it means you trust that difficulties will be held with care.

Collaboration, Not Authority

Therapy is not something a therapist does to you. It’s a collaborative process that centres your autonomy, values, and lived experience.

In a collaborative therapeutic relationship, you may notice that:

Your therapist invites your input and feedback
You’re encouraged to ask questions or express uncertainty
Decisions about focus and pace are made together
Goals are revisited and adjusted over time
You remain the expert on your own life

A therapist brings training and perspective. You bring your history, insight, and wisdom. A good fit honours both.

Room for Difference, Rupture, and Repair

No therapeutic relationship is perfect. Misunderstandings, misattunements, or moments of discomfort can happen—even in thoughtful, respectful relationships.

What often matters most isn’t avoiding these moments, but how they’re handled.

A healthy therapeutic relationship allows space for:

Naming when something didn’t feel right
Clarifying misunderstandings
Adjusting the approach when needed
Repairing trust rather than ignoring tension

For many people, experiencing repair—being heard after something felt off—can be meaningful in itself.

How the Relationship Can Evolve Over Time

The therapeutic relationship isn’t static. It often deepens gradually as familiarity and trust grow.

Early sessions may focus on understanding expectations, boundaries, and comfort levels. Over time, the relationship may feel more grounded, flexible, and responsive.

There is no timeline you need to meet. Trust develops differently for everyone.

Trusting Your Experience of the Relationship

You don’t need expertise to know whether a therapeutic relationship feels supportive. Paying attention to your own experience can offer valuable information.

You might gently ask yourself:

Do I feel respected here?
Am I able to be honest, even when it’s hard?
Do I feel supported in my pace, rather than pressured?
Does this space allow me to be fully myself?

There are no right answers—only what feels true for you.

What Is a Consultation Call?

Many therapists offer a free 15–30 minute consultation call. These calls are not therapy sessions, and they are not assessments or commitments. They exist to support mutual understanding and fit.

A consultation is often a space to:

Ask questions about a therapist’s approach, training, or focus
Share, at a high level, what you’re hoping to work on
Learn about practical details like availability, fees, and next steps
Notice how it feels to speak with this therapist

You’re not expected to share your full story or know exactly what you need during a consultation.

What a 30-Minute Consultation Can (and Can’t) Tell You

A consultation can help you notice:

Whether you feel listened to and respected
Whether communication feels clear and open
Whether the therapist’s style aligns with what you’re looking for right now

A consultation cannot:

Predict exactly how therapy will feel long-term
Replace the experience of ongoing sessions
Guarantee outcomes or immediate relief

Sometimes fit becomes clearer with time. Sometimes you know quickly. Both are valid.

It’s Okay If the First Therapist Isn’t the Right Fit

Many people feel discouraged if the first therapist they meet doesn’t feel right. This is far more common than most people realize.

You are allowed to:

Ask questions
Take time to decide
Change your mind
Honour what feels supportive

Choosing a therapist is a personal process. It’s okay to take it seriously.

Honouring Individual Differences

Everyone comes to therapy with different identities, histories, hopes, and needs. Some people want structure; others want openness. Some want tools; others want space. Some want to move slowly; others feel ready to begin.

There is no universal way therapy is “supposed” to feel.

What matters is that your individuality is respected and cared for.

A Gentle Takeaway

Finding a therapist isn’t about making the perfect choice. It’s about giving yourself permission to move thoughtfully, ask questions, and trust your own experience.

You don’t need to rush.
You don’t need to know everything.
And you don’t need to settle.

The process itself can be an act of care.

Written by Nilgun Tunali, RP (Qualifying)
This blog is intended for education and reflection. It is not a substitute for therapy or clinical advice.

Finding the Right Therapist: What “Good Fit” Really Means(And Why the Process Deserves Care)