Understanding Your Emotions: You Are Not Too Much
“Just like the movie Inside Out shows us, emotions are part of a system—not problems to solve, but parts to understand.”
Most of us weren’t taught how to understand our emotions—let alone how to care for them. We learned to manage, hide, or get over them. We were told to be less dramatic, more logical, more put-together. And over time, many of us began to believe that feeling deeply was a problem we had to solve.
But emotions are not the problem. They’re messengers. They’re responses, not flaws.
In therapy, I often hear clients say things like:
“I don’t know why I react so strongly.”
“I wish I could just turn it off.”
“I feel like I’m too much for people.”
And underneath those words is something tender: a part of them that has been carrying pain, intensity, or unmet needs for a long time.
Emotions Are Messengers, Not Mistakes
Emotions show up for a reason. Sadness might be pointing to loss, unmet needs, or vulnerability. Anger might be signaling a boundary has been crossed. Anxiety may be alerting us to something uncertain or unsafe—even if the threat isn’t immediate.
Instead of asking, “How do I get rid of this emotion?”, we can ask:
“What is this emotion trying to show me?”
This shift—from rejection to curiosity—is where healing begins.
Our Reactions Are Often Parts of Us, Trying to Help
If you've ever lashed out, shut down, or felt flooded by emotion and later wondered, “Why did I react like that?”—you’re not alone. Often, what we call an “overreaction” is really a protective part stepping in to manage something that feels threatening or painful.
This is one of the core ideas behind Internal Family Systems (IFS), a therapeutic model that sees our inner world as made up of many “parts”—each with its own role, history, and intention. Even the parts of us we don’t like—our anger, our defensiveness, our numbness—are often trying to help in their own way.
"There are no bad parts." — Richard Schwartz (founder of IFS)
Instead of fighting with ourselves, IFS invites us to listen with compassion to the parts of us that hold pain, protection, or fear. The goal isn’t to eliminate these parts, but to understand them—and help them feel less alone.
Common Triggers: When the Past Meets the Present
Triggers aren’t random. They often arise when something in the present touches a wound from the past. Maybe someone’s tone reminds you of an old criticism. Or a situation makes you feel invisible in a way that echoes childhood. Your nervous system remembers.
When we’re triggered, we’re often not reacting to just what’s happening now—we’re reacting to everything it represents. That’s why the reaction can feel so big.
Learning to recognize triggers is a powerful first step toward emotional regulation—not to avoid them, but to respond with more understanding and less shame.
Emotion Regulation Isn’t About Control
Regulation doesn’t mean suppression. It means being with your emotions in a way that honours them without letting them take over. Here are a few practices that support this:
1. Name It to Tame It: Research shows that simply naming an emotion helps reduce its intensity. Saying to yourself, “I feel anxious,” or “I notice sadness,” activates parts of the brain that create space between the feeling and the reaction.
2. Self-Compassion: Instead of judging yourself for being emotional, try saying:
“Of course I feel this way. This matters to me.”
Self-compassion reduces emotional overwhelm and increases resilience.
3. Pause and Breathe When emotions run high, the nervous system speeds up. Slowing your breath—even just a few deep inhales and exhales—signals to your body that you’re safe. It creates a pause between stimulus and response.
4. Check In With Your Parts-Ask yourself:
“What part of me is showing up right now?”
Is it a protector? A critic? A scared younger part? This gentle inquiry helps shift from reactivity to curiosity.
You Are Not Too Much
The truth is, your emotional world isn’t something to fix—it’s something to understand. You’re not “too sensitive,” “too reactive,” or “too emotional.” You’re human. You have a nervous system that’s been shaped by your history. You have parts of you that learned to protect you in the only ways they knew how.
When we begin to understand our emotions not as problems but as signals, we begin to heal—not just how we feel, but how we see ourselves. And from that place, something shifts. We stop being at war with ourselves. We soften. We listen. We grow.
Written by Nilgun Tunali, RP (Qualifying)
This blog is for reflection and educational purposes only and is not a substitute for therapy.
